[Because what memory blog would it be without a picture of my 2010 self?]
There is no way to measure the idiocy that ensues when a man comes into contact with a woman. It’s as if it is built into our very genes. In their minds, they seek to display simple communication, and a calmly elegant demeanor. Striving for nothing less than perfection, each man imagines what it would feel like for himself to be flawless. However, all so often, these dreams give way to an ever-pressing, overwhelming wave of lunatical stupidity far beyond what any would understand or give admittance to the existence of. Words just never come out quite right… and jokes that used to be funny all of a sudden become horrendous representation of each man’s self-confidence issues. Though they try, all is for not beneath the predetermined ability of man to fail at the business of girls.
Therefore, the predicament that Daniel placed himself in on that fateful day could only be attested to the act of his own self-destructive DNA. You see… Daniel liked a girl…
Though at the end of this tale you will most certainly be shocked at the obvious stupidity of our scrawny little friend, it is imperative to remember from whence he originally came. At this time, it is recommended that you take a moment and read Part 1 of this tale found HERE. In it you will find his initial interaction with the female species and will come to understand him a little more and give a small amount more sympathy towards his… inadequacies when it comes to relational understanding. Further, for the purposes of our tail, we are going to protect the identity of the female, and her name will henceforth be changed to Megan.
[If you would like to get the full affect while reading this, play THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO on low volume in conjunction with your reading]
It is unclear where he met her, but all Daniel knew is that from the moment of first contact, Daniel liked Megan. Maybe it was her smile. Maybe it was her hair. Or maybe it was the way she could so eloquently discuss matters of spiritual importance. But whatever the reason, he found himself pondering her ways. He was awed by her. Unfortunately though, as was destined by fate, Daniel himself lacked some very basic understandings of social interactions. As an introvert, he had never forced himself learned these things… and was therefore dependent on momentary, unplanned feelings to help guide him towards the best course of action for any given situation. And as anyone knows, when feelings guide your way, what could possibly go wrong?
But alas, Daniel was quite unsure of how to proceed. Should he ask Megan out to lunch so that he could ask her on a date? Although she lived about forty feet away, should he write to her? Maybe a poem! Or even a ballad… He would need to learn the guitar… OR maybe a hand crafted stethoscope [she was in school to be a nurse]! So many ideas flew through his head with far too few practical answers… After deciding it would take far too long to learn to play the guitar… and realizing that his technical skill in metal sculpting probably wasn’t to medical standards… he gave up altogether and decided to wait.
Then, as if the Heavens opened wide, Daniel found an opportunity that only a fool would waste. You see, every guy who likes a girl is always looking for “the opportunity.” It’s a specific moment in time where the semblance of a chance appears! A planned moment sometimes; a conglomeration of aligned circumstance. [[Now, typically this moment happens when a man is trying to ask a girl to marry him but for a really awkward Freshman in college, just asking a girl out on a date carried the same weight.]]. And where did this take place? Well, in no other place than the lobby of his residence hall. Megan needed to study, and conveniently so did Daniel. And even if he didn’t he would have found something to study just to fully embrace this opportunity. Luckily however, Daniel was not doing very well in his history class… And so, they studied. Megan sat in a chair near the door [which probably could have been a sign…] and Daniel layed on the floor studying for History. For the entire three hours they studied, Daniel didn’t learn a single thing. In between falling asleep on the book he was to be reading, he was focused on his task to come.
What would he say? Should he get on one knee? After all, she had asked HIM to study with HER. That was practically a proposal on her part! How could he not reciprocate? [Now… remember who you’re dealing with here.] He could barely contain his excitement. How would she respond when she emphatically said yes?! Would she hug him? No doubt she would need to call her parents that night to boisterously announce the news.
The hours ticked by and around two in the morning, Daniel knew that if he didn’t act soon, he may never get another chance again! He either needed to make his move or give up… and he was no quitter. Mustering up all the courage his body could house, he turned in his sleep-deprived, stressed out, delirious state, and boldly asked something along the lines of, “Megan. Would you consider possibly in your wildest dreams if you were feeling totally uninhibited, think about praying about doing a courtship with me? But don’t worry about answering today! Give yourself a week to overlook just how insanely awkward this is….” Now, the reader might be asking, “How could she refuse such a well-articulated lad?! She’d have to be nuts!”
Well……… apparently she was nuts and wasn’t afraid to admit it.
Now, you may think that this tale is at its end. The guy asked. The girl said no. What more could there be? For the typical guy, this would mark the end of a crush as he seeks out another. But OH NO! Not for Daniel. After Megan left, Daniel decided this was a good time in his misery to lay back down on the lobby floor… And there he stayed, pondering his decision. “COURTSHIP?!” he asked himself. “How on EARTH did I decide that was the word to use?! You had decided! You were going to ask about going on a date. ON A DATE! NOT COURTSHIP! YOU IDIOT!!!” And so this inward conversation continued. For around thirty minutes he didn’t move at all. Completely awake. I’m sure looking like a total fool on the floor. But what else was he to do? He couldn’t take his words back. He’d been rejected. He might even have stayed there all night if his friend Madison hadn’t found him and made him go to bed.
Then, as so many guys before him had done, and after him would do, Daniel decided it would be best to just avoid Megan altogether. How could he interact with her after such a humiliating defeat? No… he could no longer shame her with the presence of his face. And in his vast knowledge of women, he knew… oh how he knew… that Megan would understand and appreciate his never talking to her again. After all, how could it be taken in any way BESIDES the utmost kindness?
And that is the end of our tale. The life lessons I learned here:
1. Guys, when you like a girl, just ask her to coffee. You don’t need to propose BEFORE your first date.
2. Girls, if a guy asked you on a date, and you say no, expect that he’s going to struggle to get over that one. He probably isn’t shallow and he probably still REALLY wants to be your friend, but he doesn’t know how to overcome his own awkward feelings and you may have to help him. After all, no guy will ever perfectly interact with a woman.
Happy Thursday everyone!